Friday, February 6, 2009

My hair is everywhere...screaming infidelities




Today's topic...hair. This one was actually decided by me, and not picked out of a hat. Recent events have caused me to think of nothing but hair, so it'd only be natural for my blog to reflect what is on my mind 99.7% of the time.

I would like to share the history of my hair, it is similar in context to that of my driving record. First, we begin with color. Well I was born an adorable blonde baby girl, and as the years went on my hair got lighter and lighter. I have several pictures of blaringly light blonde hair, some even glow in the dark, perfect for someone scared of the dark. Anyways, my hair was basically white until I turned oh, I'd say about 10. Then it settled to a nice blonde. Unfortunately, during the dark ages or my middle school career, my hair got darker and darker. Finally, in high school, we took action. I highlighted my hair for the first time my freshman year and it turned out good actually. Of course, once you start highlighting your hair, you can't just stop. So began the skunk ages. My hair would always grow out enough to where I had bright blonde hair everywhere, except my roots, which were a dark blonde. That was bad enough, but it gets worse. Numerous occasions we would stick too much dye on my roots and have a reverse case of the skunk. I would having blaringly bright blonde hair along my roots and the other a darker shade. Eventually I grew tired of the tiger stripe highlights and began dying all my hair one color. The first time I did that we went way too light and I looked like a bleached out bimbo. The next day I dyed it again...which fried my hair, and ended up with gray hair. I was commonly mistaken for the widows in our ward! After being told I was as fake, from my hair to my personality, I decided to dye my hair darker, in an attempt to match it's natural color. Instead, I ended up with a weird light brown color, which wasn't very flattering. My hair did eventually go back to it's natural color but recently I dyed it dark brown. For two amazing days, I had a beautful shade if brown hair AND finally my eyebrows matched my hair! Unfortunately, the beauty was short lived. My hair is currently a yummy shade of green. Every day I have someone making a grab at my hair and throwing ranch sauce on it...celery tastes good with dressing. Yes...I am currently celery top. Similar to carrot top, but less funny. Hopefully in two weeks I will have a professional do my hair and make it a beautiful shade of blonde...cross your fingers.

Now the many haircuts of mine. I went all the way into middle school with never having an actual haircut. My dad, yes my dad, was the one who cut our hair. He mainly stuck to bangs, lets just say I had some short and crooked bangs all the way into middle school. My mom would make those disgusting bangs pouffy and well, it wasn't flattering. My hair Almost went to my butt before I cut it in middle school to my shoulders. I kept the bangs. :( After that first hair cut, I was voted as having the worst hair in a jenga truth or dare game...I feel it has cursed me to always have bad hair. Finally, my sister grabbed the scissors from my dad and I finally had goodlooking bangs. Eventually in the 8th grade I grew them out. Unfortunately, I have a rather large forehead and didn't realize that for a while. I went to high school and eventually layered my hair. It looked good other than the forehead. Finally, as a junior I got bangs again, sideswept...don't worry the pouffy bangs will never make a reappearance! Then, for my senior year I thought a perm would look good. Well, turns out my hair doesn't perm too well...ya, it was a rough year. Now, my sister cuts my hair and I know that the next Jenga truth or dare game, I won't be picked as having the worst hair...well after I fix the celery situation.

2 comments:

BR!ttany said...

awwwww, well worth the wait. Thanks Jess you make me sound pretty good! :) You have had pretty nasty luck with your poor hair situations...

Nicole said...

Jess I think you should keep the dark hair a little longer you haven't given it a chance, I'm sure you only miss the blond as much as you do because the brown turned green.